I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
