Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
