it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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