he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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