you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
