make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
All I want is dick and wine.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
