I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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