I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
