I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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