I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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