On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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