omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Are my feet made of real feet?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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