Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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