I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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