As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
