Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i may or may not be watching the land before time
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.