Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.