Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
