Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
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Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
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I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.