Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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