Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
