my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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