I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Someone signed my nipple.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
