He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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