Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
