I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
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When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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