Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
