# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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