Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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