Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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