I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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