Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
