I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
