he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
