I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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