I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
