I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just invented taco cereal.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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