she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
