In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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