omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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