my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life