"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
