I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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