My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
