What did we do last night that was yellow?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Your cock deserves a montage
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
