I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
