on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
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And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
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Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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