I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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