mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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