So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm like, not good at living.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
