spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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