At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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