I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Watching her eat just hurts me
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
