awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
