i love accidental penises.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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