If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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