Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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