im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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