I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
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