True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
