She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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