i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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