Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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