I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
