Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
