I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
