Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It's never too late to be topless.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
