no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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