it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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