I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
