Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
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