just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
