I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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