If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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