Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
