did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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