I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
