Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize