Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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