I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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