She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
