just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
