the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
